How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
