at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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