ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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