You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
