It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
