I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
