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On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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