I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
