you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
