Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
