i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
