If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
