You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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