She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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