If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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