Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
