He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
