i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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