3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
