I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What a dumb baby whore.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
