So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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