ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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