Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
