Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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