i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
