Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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