there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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