I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
