i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
