I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
