I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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