My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
