I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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