woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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