I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
