i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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