You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
