Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
