Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
