Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
