Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't think brook has ever known best
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
