I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
