Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
