I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
