my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
