my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
