Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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