you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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