Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
