The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
