Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
