he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
