How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
