Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
