just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
