New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
