Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
