this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Please don't give away my fajitas
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
