How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ok first of all what the fuck
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
