Non-Jews are for practice
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
